Somebody call James Lipton

Even my back side is my good side.
Can’t go wrong here.

What’s with the index cards, Food Lady? asks Euka. Aren’t you supposed to be writing about me on my website? It is Sunday, you know. Oh hey, here’s my best side. Take a picture. Heh, who am I kidding. All my sides are my best side.

Ah, Euka, glad you’re here, I say, setting down my pen. I was just about to call you. You are correct, my love. It’s indeed your turn for this week’s Story Sunday on the dog blog. Which, I need to remind you again, isn’t just your website, Princess Golden Hair. You need to share the glory with the other four leggers that live here.

Not, says Euka. Fair. 

Anyway, kiddo, I say. I’ve been thinking about how you’re starting dog college next month and since you’ve been kind of a celebrity …

Kind of? Euka tosses her ears back. Hello? I’ve been on television!

Right. I say. But only because we hooked up the laptop to the plasma screen. Still, it was pretty awesome to watch you over those first eight weeks of your little, furry life. I remember watching from your first day in the world -you and your extraordinary E littermates- when you all were livestreamed by Eukanuba.* You critters worked it hard to build your fan base over those two months in California. 

Then we welcomed your little polar bear self at our place here in Ohio (The Heart of America!) and we’ve been telling your stories to your fierce and loyal followers for the last year and a half.  All our adventures together and now … just a sec. Darn it, hold on. I have something in my eye.

I pause to dab at my eyes. Blow my nose. And now, Euka, we have only five weeks left. [sniffle] So I was thinking, let’s do an interview before you leave here to start dog college.

An interview? asks Euka. You mean when we talk about me and nothing else? I’m in. You may start.

Childhood Star, Euka II, in her early days.
Really early. This was the day she opened her eyes.
[photo courtesy of Chris Kittredge Photography]

Sure. I say. Let’s do this all fancy like. We’ll pretend that you’re … I mean since you’re such a big deal we’ll go at this like a James Lipton interview

Who? asks Euka.

He interviews movie stars, I say.

Oh, she says. Him. Well, carry on.

Ok, we’ll do his ten question thingy, I say. Maybe a couple of slight modifications to fit your unique circumstance of being a puppy on her way to Advanced Training at Canine Companions for Independence. Ready?

Interview with Euka II, child star and puppy-in-training for Canine Companions for Independence

1. What is your favorite word?

Easy! It’s Euka. No really. Don’t even roll your eyes. I love my name.

Because whenever I hear it I’m pretty sure something cool will be happening next. Like a Let’s Go or we’re going outside or there’s a cookie coming my way or you’re going to give me a job to do.

And I like that you’re not talking to Micron. For once.

2. What is your least favorite word?  

Same word. But I don’t like it when you use Don’t as my middle name. That’s a fun suck. You need to know that.

Look into my eyes. Good. Now say
my name. That’s it. Now you may
give me a cookie.

3. What turns you on?

Long walks in the rain. I can rock the wash & wear look. Right? Unlike [cough] somebody else I know. By the way, Food Lady, did you mean for your hair to look like that on purpose today?

What? What’d I say?

4. What turns you off?

When Bodine the Cat breaks protocol and nips me after only two licks. He supposed to allow three licks to his face. He’s kinda a jerk sometimes.

5. What sound or noise do you love?

Keep the easy ones comin’, Food Lady.

Nothing better than the sound of kibble hitting a metal food pan. It’s like, oh I dunno, like the sound of a bell ringing. I could listen to that all day, every day.

Just hearing it makes my tummy all rumbly.

6. What sound or noise do you hate?

I like my dinner bell. Yours, not so much. You know what I mean, right? What do you call it again?

You know, it’s that thing on the ceiling that beeps when dinner’s ready. It’s awful loud.

So anyway, I’m thinking you might want to order pizza tonight or something.

7. What is your favorite curse word?

Hahahaha. I like that word you say when Bodine the Cat trips you on the stairs because he says his food bowl is getting low and you haven’t noticed and if another day like this goes by Bodine says he’ll fade away into nothing and then he’ll never pick up any cute chicks because skeletons don’t get any action and even worse he says he won’t have enough energy to get that little bird that’s been making fun of him through the kitchen window because that little sucker has it coming if just somebody would leave the back door open for a minute he could take care of that bit of business.

Bodine, Benevolent Overlord of Sword House
He’s on the dining room table because I won’t let
him lick his nethers on the kitchen counter.

But anyway you told me I couldn’t say that word or I’d have to sleep in the litterbox room.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I like my job as a puppy and I think I’m really good at it. But since I’m going to dog college next month, I think I’ll major in something like Skilled Companion Dog or Service Dog. Maybe Facility Dog because you get to work with a lot of different people. I heard that for a career as a Hearing Dog  you get to go to California for a Masters Degree. That sounds pretty awesome too.

But if none of that works out, maybe Quality Control at a farm where they grow bacon.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Marine Biologist. Because sharks ain’t right. I mean, just look at ’em crossways and they’re all ima gonna eat you.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

“Well done, my little polar bear. You made a difference. Your room is ready at the bacon farm”

_______________________________________
*Eukanuba Ustream of the Canine Companions Hero Litter. Five more weeks to watch Euka’s brothers and sisters of the CCI H Litter. These furries share the same mom, Taya. Catch ’em while you still can.


Categories: Euka II

Tags: , , , ,

4 replies

  1. This kind of made my eyes leak. Great post. Good luck at college little one. I'm sure you will be great at whatever it is you decide to do.

    Like

  2. AWWW. Brilliant!! Mr. Lipton would be amused. Hardly sad at all. *blows nose*

    Like

  3. Thanks so much, Leslie. We have high hopes for this spirited pup. While I'm saddened that our time is almost done, I also can't wait to see what she'll decide to do.

    Like

  4. Ok, so now I have the mental image of Will Ferrell's impersonation of James Lipton laughing that stiff ha ha ha and his chair falls backwards. And I see that he is indeed amused by Euka's shark joke.

    And now my day is complete. I need nothing else.

    Like

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